When I was 12 yrs old, I took my moms ex-boyfriend to trial for having sexually abused me for 4 years. I told my mom what had happened one night when I was 11, right away she believed me (of course) and the next day we spoke w a counselor to determine the next steps for holding him accountable. Before months of therapy, I had a recollection of it all going on for a year and a half, and apparently that’s what I said when I first testified in grand jury before it all went to trial. Long story short, after a week of testimonies, that mutherfucker was found not guilty on all charges. The only charge I remember was “endangering the welfare of a child”. Apparently for the charge to count, the abuse needed to have gone on for a minimum of 2 years. 2 years?! 2 effing years. Since they went on the transcripts from grand jury, what I said in my testimony for the trial didn’t matter. So, he walked. Karma caught up with him eventually. That’s another story though.
At 13, I had sex for the first time, against my will. I said “no”, he said “just for a minute”. I cried. It hurt. Then it was over. It took me years to understand that this was rape. I didn’t fight him off but I still said “no”, though it didn’t matter.
Through adolescence there were many instances of just going along, powerlessly in a sense, with what the guy wanted. Too many.
In my late teens, I found yoga. It was my saving grace. During this time, I earned a Bachelors degree in Psychology. My mission was to help survivors heal.
Fast forward to the birth of my first son, Aidan. Birth was a very eye opening experience. I was young. I had taken a hospital Childbirth Ed series but really felt ill-prepared. I was induced at 40w3days. My body resisted so hard that I ended up in labor for 3 days. Pitocin, meds, epidural, 3 hrs of pushing and the threat of a c-section later, I birthed him. He weighed 9lbs 7ozs. I was in love. Little did I know, this experience was going to be the inspiration for my life‘s mission.
Through that labor and birth, there were so many instances of bullying and coercion from my OB at the time. I didn’t realize until I was processing and reflecting back my birth experience just how disempowering and manipulative she was. There was definitely a period of postpartum adjustment that bordered on depression, all stemming from the re-victimization experiences in my labor. Thankfully, I threw myself into breastfeeding and caring for this new little person so fully that there wasn’t room for any negative feelings to arise. That big baby nursed around the clock, every 2 hours. I had a very serious job to do and I did not take it lightly!
Nearly 3 years later, the birth of my second son, Liam, really turned my life around completely. I had switched providers, practiced prenatal yoga, and studied HypnoBirthing. I did the work. I found my center, my inner strength, DESPITE the childhood sexual abuse, despite the rape, the countless unwanted advances, and I vowed to “just see” how far I could labor without any medications or outside interference. Low and behold, my preparations paid off. After 7 hrs of labor, I birthed my beautiful 10lbs baby boy all natural, with no pain meds. I was blown away. We are all capable of that kind of power.
Having this strength revealed to me through BIRTH was life changing. I realized that I needed to share my experience with other moms, in hopes of transforming their birth experiences from negative to positive. Traumatic to Empowering.
There is a lot to be said for resiliency. There is a lot to be said for helping other find their voice, their light.
I say “My passion is helping other women become empowered through their experience of birth” and it’s so much more than that. I want to connect you to your true power, your true strength, your inner knowing. I want to support you in finding your voice and fully showing up exactly as WHO you are. I want to help you overcome any childhood/adolescent/adult traumas, work through them in a systematic, productive way, so you can make peace with them.
Our culture has become way too complacent with the way women are treated. I’m not having any of it. As a mother of 2 kick ass boys, aged 10 & 13 now, I am determined to raise them right. They are aware of the importance of self-respect and they know what our intuition is. It is from this respect of oneself that we naturally respect others.
Those experiences from my formative years do not define me. They are merely part of who I am and have contributed to the person I am today. My hope is that I can do my part to change the culture of birth, through empowerment. It is so important that we keep all these conversations going, bringing darkness to light, supporting each other as we step into our fullest potential.
We all have a story and I would love to hear yours. Reach out anytime.
#metoo #ibelieveher #justkeepshowingup #thefutureisfemale #bethechange #newmoonhealing #partofme #birthtrauma #empoweringbirth #yoga #releasefear #raisethemright #innerwork #strength